You know those rare moments when a rush of warmth flows through your being? It can occur at any time. You feel filled up—as though you just finished a great meal. That is real friendship.
Friendship is a sacred gift, not a thumbs up on social media. And I’m blessed with a few extraordinary friends who are scattered around the world. Just the simple act of thinking of a friend—a real friend—can help get me through a tough day.
Meet Tom and Bruce. My true sacred friends.
Tom and Bruce have been my friends for five decades—since1967. We came from seemingly disparate backgrounds, and on the surface it didn’t look like the makings of lifelong buds. Tom was a devout Catholic Midwesterner. Bruce was the son of fifth-generation Swedish Covenant Minister. And I was a Jew from New York City. We were a motley crew.
Yet we not only came together as friends, we formed an organization that developed and ran internship programs at a few universities together. We lived together at times. We raised money for our group together. We supported community organizations and students. And we held each other and stood with one another in times of need and confusion. Tom gave Bruce and I a what-for when our behavior was too rambunctious. And we sat with each other through illness, divorce, heartbreak, career wins, career losses, and death. We grew into strong yet tender men together. Our bond was deep. It is deep.
A couple of years ago, I emailed Tom and Bruce. “I need a visit.” It was a trying time in my life. They said “When will you be here?” And we walked and talked together, through the tough stuff, over Chinese food. It was like we’d never been apart.
I’m at an age now where my friends are passing. Four dear pals have died in the last two years. And it’s clear our time is both short and precious. So my conversations with friends are deep and real. I call them. I visit them. I connect with them. I do not like their photos on Facebook.
No one has 1000 friends.
I am not interested in having 1000 people follow me and in calling them my friends. Because they are not. I need friends—everyone does. I do not need many; just enough to remind me of my humanness. That I am fragile and I am strong.
Friend is an important word that doesn’t fit in realms of commerce
It is devalued in a media-driven culture that even sees sharing as an economic response to things we own from rooms to cars. Friends do not make us money, or take up our time. Friend is old fashioned—it calls for our hearts, our entire being, to be available for absolutely no material advancement. It calls on our humanity to remember that we exist because of one another, seen and unseen. Interbeing, as Thich Nhat Hanh calls it, I exist because you exist.
We come together just because… and it feels so good.
Consider deactivating Facebook for a while, and connecting with your real friends in meaningful ways:
- Call someone that’s been on your mind or in your heart. Right now.
- Have dinner—and red wine—with a friend whom you’ve wanted to see for a while. Itʼs time.
- Go on a trip with someone with no agenda. Not business. Not money. Just for kicks.